***** Disclaimer *****
This is purely came from the bottom part of my heart and I am not aware of the grammatical errors. So, enjoy reading without any judgement hehehehe. Thanks
***** Begin *****
Gosshh, it has been ages since my last blog entry and how I miss getting on this keyboard again. It's 0221, Sunday, and I can't close my eyes and can't even sleep even at this point of time. Well, I have been thinking about my future lately in an inordinate counts that is sometimes I know surely, insurmountable.
I have perused all sorts of possible labs that might open their research assistant positions, I googled all tough and great professors that I could learn something significant than trashes, and even what I could do after completing my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Criminal Justice. It's not that easy to make decision when it involves and pertaining to your own future, and whatever you choose to do today would elicit some kinds of comeuppances in the future. That's terribly hard to handle.
When I was super confused and completely exhausted, I made decision to post my confusion on Facebook and see how people around me would respond. And as expected, many people perceived me as someone who should get involved in either Social Psychology or Counseling Psychology. And from their responses, I can assure you that their assessments are based on my traits of being outgoing and highly sociable.
This is another conflict because people always put me under credential of being "people person" which is totally true that they forget another side of me that I am a kind of person who can also do math and science as good as many of them do. BUT just because of my outgoing and extroverted traits have overshadowed the other traits making them steer towards that argument (well I'm totally fine with it though).
Why am I so stressed out with all this yet? Many people asked about me being overwhelmingly worried about what the future holds for my careers, spouse, and financial standing. And my only answer to that is simply since we never know what the future holds for us, that's why we have to constantly worrying and keep on planning. If we failed to plan, we are planning to fail. Planning will keep your routine more easily schedule and easily obtain if there's anything planned beforehand. Simple??
One of the things that bothers me right now is about which lab should I apply to become the research assistant. In Indiana University Bloomington itself, we have 45 different kinds of labs that range from developmental, social, cognitive, neuroscience, molecular biology, cognitive, and cognitive neuroscience. They offer different kinds of training depending on which grounding you are planning to go for graduate school.
In my thought right now, I've told myself that maybe I should give myself a try on Social Psychology and Counseling Psychology. In that case, I have narrowed down from 45 to only 10 labs now. I'm thinking of applying to all of them and see how it goes from there. Hopefully out of many, I can at least get admitted to one or two labs because I am in total desperation for more researches and and case studies. I know I sound crazy to start worrying about all this. But tracking back at some of the undergraduate research assistants, I was amused when I realize that most of them started their lab experience while they were in Freshman and Sophomore standing. As for me, I just realize the importance after I got to my Junior year. Ugghh isn't that causing pain in the ass?
And another thing that I am so intense is about the GRE test and GRE subject tests. Well to put in a simple way, GRE is the ticket for me to get admitted to any Master's and PhD programs in the United States. And talking about those exams, they are far more complicated than SAT and TOEFL, at least for me who isn't born in English speaking background, it is still complicated.
Knowing the fact that I'll be taking the exam before my Senior year summer, I have to gear up from now. I'm planning on buying some exercise books and start memorizing all those crazy gigantic alien words (vocabulary). I know I will do better if I prepare early, but the fear of failing is always there. I would love to be accepted into excellent universities that provide great academic programs, hence they would definitely raise the bar and expecting me to score high marks for all the papers.
I hate procrastinating and I hate doing nothing. From now on, I know that no one can change my destiny except for myself with the wills of God. I will do my best and leave the rest to Him to decide. Please pray for our success inshaAllah. Wallahualam.
