Somebody That I Know: A Brother and a Good Listener

Assalamualaikum and a good day.

Some people might said that I wrote this out of obsession, but I would say out of respect and admiration that compelled me to write this on my blog post. I'm counting the days before someone who is very special to me, personally, reaching his final days in Indiana University Bloomington. I happened to know him from an event back then when I first came here in Bloomington, and he appeared to be such a friendly person and caring as well.

Always acting weirdly, he always makes me think that I wanna be like him. He is pretty much introvert, but somehow or rather loud and vocal whenever I hanged out with him (not really vocal as in loud like me, but he talked more than usual haha). He always makes me feel special and important in his own ways. His mocking and intrusive tease are not about a show of hatred or intended to be offensive, there are more about getting the bonding closer between brothers. "I won't do that if I hate you or dislike you, you just make me feel comfortable," that was the words that he always say to me whenever he saw me getting angry at him.

One salient thing about him that I could never forget is his love towards plants and animals. He loves nature so much. There was one time that he told me about his dream of marrying someone and settling down in a huge land, with a very cute tiny house that just going to fit him and his significant others. The entire land would be used to grow lots of crops and different kinds of trees. Well, after all he is a Biology major and thus he loves anything related to nature.

Besides that, every time I was with him, I realized that my knowledge increase more and more especially about biology and single cell prokaryote. He always tell me experiential stories about how he came to like Biology so much and about his dreams of becoming a medical doctor one day. Very very inspiring and motivating in his own ways, just like how my brother treated me. The fact that he is 26 years old this year just makes me feels like I'm talking to my late brother every time I hanged out with him.

But, behind that smile and laughter, behind that jovial character and happy - go - lucky kind of person, many people don't know how terrible his life that he needs to pass through. He came from the same family background like I do. His parents got separated and he lived with his mom ever since. Being the first in the siblings, he needs to support his family especially his younger brother that need special attention. Behind that smile, there are paramount of difficulties and tribulations that he endured up to this level. The reason why he is 26 years old but still completing his undergraduate degree is because he changed his university and majors couples of times for the sake of his significant other, but eventually doesn't worked out. His best advice that I would never forgets,"never change any damn thing for other people, do it for yourself and only yourself."

When I told this things to one of my best friends, she said that this person really take good care of me. He never let me pay anything when we were having meals together, he waited for me if I walked really slow out of tediousness, and he was there when I need someone to talk to. He never condemned me in anything that I do, instead he encourages me to look up to different possibilities. For example, about my research that I'm doing right now, he always encourages me to advance to the next level and he put his trust in me. When ever I feel down and sad, he will put his hand on my shoulder and sooth me by saying, "everything gonna be okay dear."

The weird part of him happened when he brought me to park or garden. He would literally sit under the trees and started smelling, taking pictures, and introducing me to all the species haha. We could spent hours and hours walking from campus to our apartments while talking about different things. All in all, I don't have to think about what would be the next questions to ask him or to answer when he asked. Awkwardness never exists between me and him although it is clearly known that we were both from different cultures and backgrounds. 

NOW, he is almost done with his degree track and heading back to his hometown, before going to Canada to be in Medical School. I could not help myself but to cry today when he said that. I know this gonna be the last day that I'll met him again because starting next week both him and me are busy with the finals. But one thing for sure: plants would be my favorite component of nature, the restaurant in downtown Bloomington would be my favorite late breakfast place to attend, perseverance and determination would be my utmost qualities, Chemistry building would be my favorite spot on campus, and walking through the woods and nature would be my favorite past time. 

Why am I writing this about him?? Someone that I just met but managed to change me in so many different aspects, positively of course. He is such a great person, and I'm sure that he will have a bright future ahead. I seriously don't know why I don't have even a single of his picture, but he is always in my mind, for now and inshaAllah forever. My brother, my listener, and my sarcastic master: Mark[us] Kyler ........ (I forgot his last name and he refused to tell me then haha).

Continuing to Survive in the US

Rasanya macam dah lama sangat tak mengupdate entri blog ni dek kerana kesibukan kerja dan bebanan tugas sebagai seorang mahasiswa. Benarlah apa yang selalu saya dengar berkenaan kehidupan sebagai seorang pelajar di luar negara dan bagaimana mereka harus melalui kehidupan yang sangat mencabar.

Alhamdulillah, tak lama lagi bermakna saya sudah berada di bumi penuh keterasingan ini selama 9 bulan dan jujur saya katakan yang saya sangat merindui Malaysia dan seisinya. Keluarga, kawan - kawan, dan insan tersayang sentiasa berlegar dalam ingatan saya siang dan malam. Rasanya kehidupan saya seakannya tidak lengkap tanpa menatap wajah mereka dalam tempoh yang sangat lama. Walau bagaimanapun kehidupan harus diteruskan dan impian harus sentiasa diperjuangkan untuk menjamin masa hadapan yang lebih baik untuk diri, keluarga, dan masyarakat.

Dalam tempoh ini juga saya banyak kali berperang dengan diri sendiri berkaitan perihal double major dalam Psikologi dan Criminal Justice, perihal membahagikan masa untuk belajar dan bermain, masalah yang terlebih prevalent sampai kena dropped satu kelas, krisis diri, dan  macam - macam hal lain yang sukar untuk saya gambarkan dengan kata - kata. Alhamdulillah, markah untuk Criminal Justice exam saya sangat memberangsangkan nevertheless.  Lebih banyak kita diuji sebenarnya mendatangan kebaikan kepada kita kerana kita menjadi semakin kuat dan resistant untuk mengharungi kehidupan mendatang.

Antara perkara yang saya rasakan sangat mencabar adalah untuk memahami sesuatu yang kita tidak biasa. Contohnya, apabila saya berkawan dan bergaul dengan orang - orang di sini yang kebanyakannya orang Amerika, ada kalanya saya merasakan yang diri ini seakan outcast kerana kesukaran untuk memahami konteks lawak dan cerita mereka.

Tapi walau bagaimanapun jangan kita jadikan itu sebagai satu alasan kenapa kita harus menjauhi mereka dan tidak cuba untuk mendekati mereka. Ada satu stigma yang harus kita buang dari ingatan kita masing - masing iaitu kita sebenarnya sangat layak untuk diterima dan dilayan dalam sesuatu komuniti, cuma semua itu bergantung kepada sejauh mana kita sanggup untuk berubah dan mengambil cabaran. Alhamdulillah two of my best friends adalah dari kalangan orang - orang putih yang tidak pernah terlintas utuk menjadi sangat rapat dengan mereka. Sometimes you just don't realized that people whom you are trying to avoid would be the person that you loved the most.

Persoalannya bagaimana nak dapatkan kawan dengan mudah dalam environment yang sangat sukar ni? Jawapan saya agak simplistic iaitu dengan banyak join organizations, events, job opportunities, dan training programs. Setakat yang saya tahu, agak sukar untuk membuat kawan dalam konteks kelas sebab orang - orang di sini meletakkan kelas sebagai masa untuk belajar sahaja dan sangat sukar untuk membuat kawan melalui kelas. Kalau ada pun, boleh kira dengan jari jelah. At least for me, memang susah hahahahaha.

Something that intriguing untuk saya kongsikan adalah semenjak duduk di sini, saya belajar untuk bercakap dengan verbosenya atau what we can say as berusaha untuk memanjangkan komunikasi untuk memastikan mereka terus menerus berminat untuk bercakap dengan kita. Just try to make that communications sounded interesting and appealing. Try to do this couples of times before mereka betul - betul nak hang out dengan kita lagi selepas itu hahahaha.

Hmm, satu lagi perkara yang nak saya kongsikan berkenaan persoalan grade kat sini dan macam mana nak survive. Ada beberapa sahabat yang bertanya macam mana nak maintain result yang bagus and honestly saya tak tahu sebab saya sendiri pun ada masalah kadang - kadang. Cuma saya boleh katakan jangan pernah berhenti berusaha dan buat sehabis baik kerana kita tak pernah menyangka kebaikan dan keindahan sesuatu itu sehingga kita lihat hasilnya di akhir perjuangan kita itu. Percayalah, takkan pernah ada benda yang berlaku dalam hidup kita ini yang tidak mendatangkan kebaikan kepada kita dalam tempoh jangka masa panjang.

In a nut shell saya memang dah tak sabar nak balik bulan Mei ini ke Malaysia kerana cinta dan buah hati - buah hati saya semuanya berada di sana. Nantikan kepulangan saya yer wahai insan - insan yang teramat kusayang. Buat masa ini, ayuh kita bangkitkan semangat untuk terus berjuang untuk menjawab exams tak lama lagi. All the best to everyone dan ambillah apa yang baik daripada penulisan blog ini ya kawan - kawan. Wallahualam.

Salam sayang,
Firdaus Fazuan